In the Mel Robbins Podcast episode What Nobody Tells You About Grief and Loss, host Mel Robbins speaks with renowned grief expert David Kessler about the true nature of grief and how to navigate it in a way that honours the experience rather than minimizing it. David Kessler, a bestselling author and one of the world’s leading voices on grief and loss, brings both deep professional insight and profound personal experience to the conversation. His work—shaped by decades of research and by his own encounters with loss—frames grief as a unique and deeply personal journey, one that cannot be rushed or judged according to arbitrary timelines.

Kessler begins by challenging common misconceptions: grief is not something to “fix,” and there is no single right way to grieve. Rather, grief is a process that unfolds differently for everyone. Emotions like sadness, anger, guilt, denial, and even numbness are all part of a normal grief experience and should not be labeled as incorrect or dysfunctional. According to Kessler, when people feel overwhelmed or confused by their emotions, they often worry they are doing something wrong—but in reality, such emotional waves are simply part of how grief shows up.

One of the most important points Kessler makes is that grief should be witnessed, not rushed or dismissed. Support for someone in grief is most powerful when it comes from presence, not advice. Practical acts of care—like helping with meals or errands—are often more meaningful than well-intended but abstract suggestions about how someone should feel or should move on. He emphasizes that grief can strain relationships, especially where individuals have different grieving styles; impatience or judgment from others can compound the pain rather than alleviate it. 

Kessler also addresses the common feeling of being “stuck” in grief. He notes that many people delay seeking support because they expect grief to follow a predictable, short timeline, as often portrayed in media. In truth, many individuals live with unresolved grief for months or years before reaching out for help. He encourages those grieving to show up for themselves and to seek compassionate support when needed, viewing that step not as a failure but as courage in the midst of pain.

Another core theme is the idea that grief and love are intrinsically linked. The depth of grief often reflects the depth of love felt for the person who has died, and holding onto that love—rather than trying to suppress it—can be an essential part of healing. Kessler introduces the concept of a disloyalty checklist to help people navigate feelings of guilt about enjoying life or experiencing joy after loss. He suggests creating meaningful rituals or actions that honour the memory of the deceased while acknowledging that life continues. Rather than promoting a simple path to “acceptance,” Kessler stresses that acceptance is a gradual process. It doesn’t mean being okay with the loss, but rather acknowledging the reality of it and allowing oneself to live in that reality. Over time, individuals may find that their grief shifts and becomes less consuming, even as the love for the person endures. This reframing—where grief is not a problem to fix, but a process to live through—offers both clarity and comfort for listeners navigating their own losses.

Overall, the interview reframes grief as a complex, non-linear experience that deserves understanding, patience, and compassionate presence over a long period of time. The podcast can be found on YouTube - it is one and one half hours long; and well worth listening to.