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General News · 30th November 2009
Carrie Saxifrage
GLACIERS in the Alps, Andes and Himalayas have stopped melting after the release of secret emails showing climate change scientists are at it.

Vast ice sheets across the globe gained up to four inches just hours after it emerged experts at the University of East Anglia had been manipulating data in a bid to knock-off early.

Meanwhile in the Antarctic the 200 square mile Donnelly ice shelf changed direction and headed back towards the continent where it then reattached itself to the slightly larger McPartlin ice shelf.

Climate change sceptic and fully-qualified blogger Martin Bishop said: "As soon as these emails were released the world's glaciers resumed their normal, icey behaviour, as long-predicted by some of London's most important journalists.

"This is the smoking iceberg that fires a polar bear of truth between the eyes of hysteria and communism."

He added: "More than half the world's journalists who have read Nigel Lawson's book now accept that the atmosphere could not possibly have been affected by setting fire to millions of tons of coal, oil and gas every single day for 150 years while at the same time chopping down most of the really big trees.

"Can we all please now return to some kind of sanity and tie George Monbiot to the back of a Range Rover?"

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: "While there will always be debate over climate data, it's important to remember that the state of the world's icebergs and glaciers remains wholly dependant on which group of tedious, hectoring [jerks] is currently winning the argument."

But Bill McKay, an accountant from Dunbar, said: "I'm not a scientist, but last week I noticed some mosquito-like creatures buzzing around the light at my back door. Again, not a scientist, but... mosquitos, November, Scotland.

"Someone needs to explain that to me, because as things stand, it does seem to be a tad [messed] up."
Global Warming is Natural
Comment by Walker Evans on 30th November 2009
All kinds of information, misinformation, rhetoric and downright religious fervour is all converging to create the perfect storm of ........well who the heck knows !!!! The geologic record tells us there have been many times over many millions of years where the Earth has experienced warming. It's cyclical but unpredictable because there are many factors that can influence it's onset. Are we entering a period of global warming ? Perhaps. It looks like it. But even over the span of recorded history it's impossible to prove that this period of warming is not just a blip. We might just be heading into another ice age. There's some indications that the warming trend has stalled during the past ten years. But indeed, ten years is but a millisecond in geologic time. If global warming is upon us it's simplistic to think that we can do anything to stop it at this point. We will have to adapt or die just like thousands of species have had to do during previous climate fluctuations. The proof that climate change is human caused is just not out there. It's a belief born out of guilt. And yes, I'd be the first to admit that we've done much destruction to the Earth and it's ecosystems and ecology. But to believe that we are to blame for the present 'alleged' global warming is indeed a stretch. It's even more of a stretch to believe that we can somehow magically cure it and reverse it merely by changing our behavior. They say "may you live in interesting times." Well it seems as if we are.